And Your Little Levity Too
It’s been forty-three weeks since Suzy’s unfortunate, close encounter with a vehicle in motion. Between working full-time, participating in Suzy’s recovery every day, and advocating for Suzy in various ways, the last several weeks have been incredibly busy for me. It’s been hard to find time to write updates for the website. But there’s always time for silly jokes.
Here are some “highlights” to enjoy.
Today I learned: RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't an appropriate response.
💒 🤷♂️
I visited a friend at his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate hosting visitors.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to himself!
Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? Just once, I'm going to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.
🧴 🌭
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
👨🍳 🛸 🥘
I don't have a beer gut. I have extra padding for my rock-hard abs.
🍻
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The engineer sees a glass that’s twice the size it needs to be.
A pirate goes to the doctor to have some spots on his arm examined. The doctor says: "They're benign." The pirate replies, "No, no doc, there be twelve. I counted them before I came here!"
🏴☠️👨⚕️
Grandma's been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
☃️
What did King George III think of the American colonies?
👑
He thought they were revolting!
🇺🇸
My friend’s grandpa destroyed 12 German planes during WW2.
He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe.
🛩️ 👨🏻🔧
I told my psychiatrist that I'd been hearing voices. He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist.
👻 🗣️
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I am not about to criticize the execution.
"Just say 'NO' to drugs!" Well, If I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Members of the archery club sometimes meet at the cheese shop.
You know, just to shoot the Bries…
🏹 🧀
My nerdy friend just got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes. We now call him “Dr. Awkward.”
What do you call a broken can opener?
🥫 🔧 🥣 🤔
A can’t opener.
🤦♂️
